A Very Busy Mind

Step 1: Become really clear about who you are.*

Step 2: Become really OK with it.

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So far, the age of 25** has been weird for me.  (I turned 25 mid-May.)

Weird in a good way.

Events have occurred – big and small, my doing and others’ – these past few months that have led me to conclusions about myself.  And I’ve found that totally accepting my personality has made understanding why I make the decisions I do much easier.  And my life is a little less stressful for it.  And I’m happier.

(I’ve rewritten ^that paragraph over and over.  Can not even HANDLE the cheese factor.  Whatever, it’s all true.)

Here’s what I’m talkin about…

 

EVENT #1

 

What happened:

I was becoming increasingly bored with my hairstyle.  Blonde highlights?  Yawn.  I also kept noticing this bubbling urge inside me to shock the fuck out of everyone.

Before:

After:

What I learned about myself:

I love, crave, and need change.  Sometimes BIG change.  And I like to make a splash.  From now on, I am OK with this.

 

EVENT #2

 

What happened:

My friends are getting engaged right and left, and I’ve been in two of the weddings (well, one is this weekend, but I’m pretty sure it’s still on), which has caused two very strong emotions to hit me, one of them really surprising:

1. Marriage is still scary as hell to me, and I’m SO not ready.  (not the surprising emotion)

2. LOVE.  Really, really strong love.  I cried when Ann walked down the aisle, and it shocked me.  I smiled for 12 straight hours that day/night.  I couldn’t believe how happy I was, and how much love I felt in myself and everyone around me.  It was awesome.  And so unexpected.  I would have classified myself as anti-marriage before that day.

(I introduced them!)

What I learned about myself:

I’m way different from every single one of my friends.  They’ve always known it, but it wasn’t always so apparent to me.  My professional life is way more important to me than my personal one.  My friends “got” that about me a long time ago.  They still love me.  (Sometimes I don’t know why; I miss so much important shit and bail on plans like it’s my job.  Ha.)  Gawd…I love them, too.

I want very different things for my life, but allowing myself to be consumed by the corporate world has not completely robbed me of emotion (see: tears at weddings).  Seriously, this is a big relief.

 

EVENT #3

 

What happened:

Four months ago, I had been experiencing this “something’s off here and needs to change” feeling about my life for a while, and it was becoming almost unbearable.  I spent a Friday afternoon speaking to a mentor about it, and the next morning, I woke up ready to launch a mission.  I honestly remember waking up, walking downstairs to get coffee, and thinking I was going to make some big decisions that day.  I wanted to advance my career, and I wanted the job that would do it to be in a big city.  But where?

I made a list of criteria my new city should meet, did a ton of research, and narrowed it down to one place.

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(I’d be happy to explain to you why Houston made so freakin much sense for me, and why it likely would for you, too.  Lemme know.)

I sent out the first Houston job application on May 28th.  On August 26th, I officially accepted a position. I’m staying in my industry (which I’m so pumped about), will be taking on much more responsibility and widening and deepening my experience level…and I got a 51% raise.

Monday, September 26th, I will leave Indiana, and drive the 15 hours to Texas.  And stay indefinitely.

Oh…Em…Gee.

 

What I learned about myself:

I can do big things.  My discipline and determination surprises even me (for three months, I got up at 4 a.m. almost every morning, worked on job search stuff before the gym, worked on job search stuff on my lunch breaks, overcompensated at work because I love and respect my current company, read job search stuff when I got home…).  This is when having OCD really works for me.

I also learned it doesn’t occur to me to be afraid of things I maybe should be.  I’m moving across the country – alone – to live and work with people I don’t know.  I mean, yeah, I’m a little freaked out.  But apparently not as much as I should be according to some people’s reactions when I tell them that, no, I’m not moving there because I have friends and/or family there.

I feel like maybe some neurons in my brain aren’t firing, ‘cause wow…yeah…what the hell am I doing?

Kidding.  Not about the neurons.

 

My whole point here: Examine your decisions, try to understand why you make them, and try to be OK with it.  I promise you’ll be happier for it.

 

 

*I mean, who you are NOW.  It will change.  Don’t expect it not to.

**What does a 25-year-old really know about life and happiness anyway?   This is your grain of salt.